#and that I can't find -release- bc I feel bad when I take a break bc I think about all the things I still have to do before the 30th

[purplebass]

I hate when I get into deep studying mode because my anxiety doesn't let me do anything else, it only has the deadline in mind and automatically, if I spend my whole day studying, I feel better but I also obviously feel worse because I don't take a break. I decided to be more gentle with myself and so I washed my hair after delaying it for days and it smells like cocoa and this gave me an idea for a fic which I want write soon because getting ideas excite me. And later I will give myself another treat once I finish (I'll probably read fics to make me feel better)

[xanasaurusrex]

I was wondering if you would write Clarisse larue x daughter of Hecate headcannons??

⇢ ˗ˏˋ clarisse la rue x hecate!daughter ࿐ྂ

a/n: okay so there is a full fledged fic coming of this but i just thought this would be cute for some general clarisse x hecate!daughter!reader content bc i love writing headcanons

okay so first thing's first, this pairing is the definition of opposite's attract

clarisse is just such an intense person, and hecate kiddos are like, famously chill

you probably fell for clarisse first, from afar, because hecate kids and ares kids don't generally run in the same circles

like there's no bad blood or anything, they just aren't very alike so they don't usually hangout

once clarisse did notice you, the two of you started hanging out pretty frequently

there was a period where you both had heart eyes whenever you were near each other, but were both convinced that the other would never like one, and so you were both just practically prancing around each other, doing your best to hide your feelings

(and not really succeeding)

this period was pretty much hell for all of your friends

because the two of you would rave to your mutual friends when the other wasn't there about how much you like each other, and they would just have to sit there and internally scream and hope that you two get together soon

you probably found out when someone accidentally let it slip that you two like each other

after a very long, heartfelt conversation, the two of you were officially dating!

now for the dynamic of your relationship!

clarisse is extremely protective over you

if anyone even looks at you wrong, she's there defending you

you find this really romantic, but sometimes it can get overwhelming because you don't love confrontation, and she does, so sometimes you just want her to leave the situation alone

she can usually tell when you're in this mood, so the two of you just leave the situation before clarisse can get more heated

you're one of the only people that can really calm clarisse down

as previously aforementioned, she's a very intense person, and gets really intense emotions that she doesn't really know how to deal with them, which is something you can help with

just being in your presence calms clarisse down

going back to the protectiveness thing randomly, clarisse always makes sure that hecate cabin is on the same team as ares cabin, and even though everyone knows it's so she can protect you, everyone pretends they don't know

hecate kids obviously participate in capture the flag but they're not the most helpful

so you're not all that bothered when clarisse takes you to a nice, safe place in the woods where she hunts around you to make sure that nobody gets close to you

one time someone from the blue team managed to snag you as a prisoner for the red team, and when clarisse found out she went on a literal rampage

chiron had to step in and tell clarisse to calm down

when blue team finally released you, clarisse just held onto your hand with a really angry look on her face

when you two were alone she finally expressed how nervous she'd been

another big thing to mention: you are clarisse's biggest weakness

she loves and cares about you so much, and as much as she tries to hide it, she kinda can't, so she knows that if anyone were ever trying to get to her, they would go to you first, and she really hates that

there was a time in the beginning of your relationship when clarisse tried to break it off, saying that it wouldn't be safe

and you reminded her that you are also a demigod, and just existing as a demigod isn't safe, so she'd better just get over it

she did, and now the two of you are still together and happy!

clarisse tries to pretend like she has some independence from you, but everyone knows that she doesn't

clarisse gets even more irritable during the winter months because she can't see you everyday like she can during the summer when you're both at camp

clarisse is a year rounder camper, but you aren't, so she always tries to get you to come back for weekends and school breaks

you're always giving clarisse different crystals to help with different things

one of the first things you gave her was a rose quartz necklace, and she practically never takes it off

she rarely ever takes it out from under her shirt because again, she's paranoid about the whole thing of you being her biggest weakness

but it's always there, and she sometimes can be seen holding tightly to it when in tense situations and/or nervous about something

she thinks of it as somewhat of a tether to your love

which sounds cheesy, so don't ever tell anyone clarisse told you that

or else

(she says jokingly)

clarisse is a very touchy partner

she likes to act like she isn't, because she's all tough or whatever

and wanting to be hugged and cuddled every once in a while means that she isn't tough apparently

you've told her a million times this isn't true, but she doesn't believe you

sometimes the two of you will cuddle in front of the campfire, and clarisse is always hesitant because there's so many people around, but all you have to do is bat your eyelashes (and occasionally make grabby hands if she's feeling more stubborn) and then she's there, cuddling with you

when the two of you are alone though... oh my god she will not stop touching you

if you like get up to go to the bathroom she starts complaining immediately about how the two of you were all warm and comfortable and then you had to go and ruin it

she shuts up when you come back though

when you brought clarisse home to meet your mortal parent... let's just say it was an entertaining day

clarisse likes to present herself as a very put together person, and that not much can shake her

but oh dear gods

you're sure that you've never seen her look more nervous than on the way to your mortal parent's house

like sweating and stammering and acting soooo nervous

she wants to make a really good impression, but kinda believes that she can't

it doesn't help that you kiss her in front of your front door to help calm her down, and THAT'S when your parent opens the door

she actually does end up making a good impression, but she still leaves thinking it went horribly

it probably would take a lot of convincing for clarisse to introduce you to her mom, if she ever does, because the two of them aren't on the best terms

basically, the two of you are so freaking in love it kinda disgusts your friends, but it's better now than it was when the two of you were pretending you didn't like each other

thank you so much for reading! there wasn't a lot in this abt the hecate!daughter thing it was basically just dating clarisse headcanons so i apologize for that but i am open to doing a part 2!

[sga-owns-my-soul]

Fic Idea Adoption!

i have way too many ideas for fics and i know i won't ever get around to writing them all so i'm putting some ideas up for adoption!! i may or may not write these eventually, but they're too good of ideas to leave sitting in my notes app forever, so i'm releasing them to the void! anyone and everyone is welcome to use them, and feel free to be as ambiguous with the prompts as you want! no particular order but nsfw ideas are at the bottom for anyone who wants to avoid them!

(if you do use any of these, i would love to read the fic!! you definitely do not have to but please feel free to send me anything you write off this list!!)

-john takes rodney to earths moon

-john and rodney find the ancient equivalent of speed. they do Everything

-au where ronon gets earth to repeal dadt bc john tells him it's why he can't be with rodney and ronon goes I Must Fix This (he enlists teyla and lorne and maybe cadman)

-rodney asks ronon to go with john to earth (outcast coda)

-rodney goes on bill nye saves the world after stargate declassification

-evans biggest fear is having to shoot john (and maybe getting a promotion bc of it?) and john finds out

-rodney’s ‘torture too hideous and intimate to recount’ is him being tortured, just for them to realize that torturing his team is a better way to break him

-teyla living out ‘the chosen one’ trope

-what happens to sora after the eye

-au where meredith(female!rodney) comes to atlantis instead of rod and not only is rodney horribly disturbed, he’s furious (and strangely confused) as to why everyone apparently likes him more as a woman

-todd is weirdly obsessed with this strange human he meets, and is determined to get closer to him

-the team is most excited about catching up with todd when they get the confirmation atlantis is going back to pegasus

-everyone complains about rodney’s moods bc no one can complain about the infinitely worse in every way sheppard bad moods, that make everyone on the base wish they were on a hive ship being eaten by two wraith at once

-au where ronon ends up on athos at the same time the wraith come and he sneaks through the gate with the intention of just sneaking away on the next planet but whoops it’s atlantis (ronon pov)

-rodney keeps a memorial for every single scientist lost in his lab and radek shows it to new scientists who start complaining about rodney not caring and risking their lives

-reaper au where’s he’s fed the fuck up with these two stupid men who never actually die when they’re supposed to and it’s more annoying than anything now bc he still needs to show up

-au carson comes to atlantis and is HORRIFIED by becketts retrovirus research and the hoffan drug bc “does the hippocratic oath mean NOTHING here???”

-au where rodney can’t admit to himself what john means to him, until something happens that brings all the alternate rodney’s that have lost their johns to atlantis, and they all fall apart when they see john alive, and john and rodney have to have a Conversation (mcshep? maybe ambiguous? idk yet)

-rodney sees john as three separate entities: the Colonel, who is Professional Important Official Man; sheppard, who is his friend/team lead that he hangs out with and goes on missions with; and john, who he’s always seeming to have very intimate moments with that make him question a lot of how he feels

-early days in the city, elizabeth is sick of the marines shitting on the scientists for not being tough and the scientists for shitting on the marines for not being smart so she makes them try to solve a fake crisis from the other side and everyone is like aww shit this is harder than it looks

-that thing where tough men pretend they don’t care much about someone but then the person gets hurt and Tough Guy go a little feral and then holds them close and whisper pet names (sweetheart, baby, darling, etc) but it’s john and/or ronon after rodney gets injured

-the more important something is to john, the harder it is for him to talk about it, and rodney starts to realize how hard it is for john to talk about what rodney means to him

-a bunch of au sheppards get brought to atlantis and one on them is terrified of flying

-rodney has always said biology was beneath him, but then ford almost died, and was… different, from the wraith. and rodney knew he had to find a way to help ford, maybe find a way to fix his mental problems while keeping the physical benefits. rodney and carson find a way to save ford and sheppard is so thankful he kisses them both

nsfw ideas:

-ronon suggests some planets for trading when they get low on supplies that have an interesting trade system. it seems too good to be true and they wonder why telya hasn't taken them until they find out that they trade goods for sex

-au where john is hired as a spy for atlantis and he seduces people in pegasus to get intel for the city

-sometimes rodney just grabs john (by the hair, throat, back of the neck, chin, etc) and asks who he belongs to and john instantly melts

-rodney decides to be a tease on a mission and teyla and ronon think mckay is just really pissing sheppard off when he pulls mckay away for “privacy” but really he’s just super horny and wants to fuck (or, teyla and ronon don’t realize that their fighting is foreplay)

[wrongcaitlyn]

AHHHHH OK OK I DIDN'T COMMENT ON THE PIPER/SHEL ONESHOT IM SO SORRY MY DEPRESSION HAS BEEN HEAVY HITTING AND I DID READ IT WHEN IT CAME OUT AND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Shel is so unbelievably relatable, like the whole thing with her friends and her struggle to find new friends, AND HER TRYING NOT TO FREAK OUT IN FRONT OF FREAKING PIPER MCLEAN

AND AND OMG TODAY'S CHAPTER????? GLORIOUS ABSOLUTELY GLORIOUS

THE SCENE WHERE APOLLO TELLS NICO THAT HE'S HIS SON NO MATTER WHAT???? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my prayers were answered I love them sm

THE HEART TO HEART NICO HAS WITH DREW???? Drew is so right but I can 100% see why Nico finds it annoying especially when he hasn't had anyone care about his reputation (someone that wasn't Apollo lmao)

MEG???? JUST MEG. IT WAS SO BRIEF BUT I LOVE HER SM LIKE SHE'S SO DONE WITH APOLLO 😭 also the whole "You peaked in 1989" HILARIOUS especially since Apollo corrects her too 😭😭 like who's gonna tell him 2002 was like almost 2 decades ago BUT HE'S GONNA BE BACK RELEASING MUSIC AND A LABEL AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF HE DOESN'T GO BIG AGAIN

AND LASTLY THE EXCERPT??? AGHHHHHHHHH YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART OVER HERE APOLLO WAS JUST A BABY 😭 and the fact that he admits to wanting fame, to wanting the attention, but that the difference between choosing it and being pushed into it made it feel like a chore AND WHO TF IS LETTING THIS 16 YEAR OLD GET DRUNK OFF HIS ASS

That just makes his sobriety that much more important bc this man was codependent on alcohol from the age of SIXTEEN and now that I'm thinking about it I'm terrified of someone taking advantage of this man bc he's SIXTEEN going to house parties and clubs filled with adults AND THERE'S NO ONE TO MAKE SURE APOLLO IS OKAY

Man and we all know why Apollo craves the attention and fame like his father probably never gave him any attention that wasn't in the form of screaming matches and lectures about his work as a celebrity :( Leto probably overcompensated and probably showered Apollo in affection when he was tiny child doing child actor things but now that he's older she can't be there for him and AHHHHHHHHHH

I got more write but I'll probably put it in another ask THIS IS SO LONG IM SO SORRY AHH TYSM FOR THE UPDATE

Have a good day 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

DON'T APOLOGIZE AT ALL THIS ASK IS SO SWEET <33LKSJDF THANK YOU OMG

truly apollo just grabbed the reigns for that scene. like i genuinely did not expect to write all that, it was meant to just be abt delphi records, but then he DID and ughsdlkfj😭 i love them so much omfg give me their father son dynamic in every universe <33

THANK U FOR NOTICING THE "you peaked in 1998" "it was actually 2002" LKSDJGFSD I WAS CACKLING WHILE WRITING THAT FOR SOME REASON meg will never not take a chance to point out how old apollo is (he really isn't that old)

and genuinely i get so upset thinking about apollo from this au. like. i know that i pushed this all onto him and i created the story and the lore and whatnot but GOD HE WAS JUST A TEEN. HE WAS JUST A KID. AND😭😭😭😭

literally everything you said is perfectly accurate and i couldn't say it myself. like he just deserved so much more. he had no one to truly look out for him, no one to actually show him right from wrong, every step he turned was just bad influence after bad influence - and being exposed to those kinds of things at the SCALE at which he was... that's literally traumatic. and GOD i just. aghlskdfjsdlfr. he's literally top 3 characters in talk your talk. i think about him sometimes even more than nico and willDSJLKF

NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR THE LONG ASK I LOVED THISSDFJ <333 i look forward to more of your thoughts (esp apollo related, writing apollo scenes and excerpts has got to be one of my favorite parts of talk your talk)

[vitospaghetta]

It's kind hard to talk about bc the people I know are so judgmental, but your blog is my safe space.

I wish i could be normal about Leon or my interests in general. I had to take a break from fandom last year because I was so excited for Re4 remake to the point that I felt nauseous or dizzy just of thinking about it. And my sister keeps saying that it's sad that I feel attached to a fictional character, but that's my way of continuing to deal with things, especially my depression. And I know it's not healthy, but I feel like there's not much I can do. Anyway, I just wanted to vent, sorry 😭😭😭😭

🥺🥺🥺 Don't apologize. I'm so glad that my blog can act as a safe space and offer some semblance of comfort to you. 💖

If there's one thing that's been a consistent part of my personality my entire life, it's that I have never been normal about a single thing I've been interested in. Ever. There is nothing "sad" about being attached to a fictional character. There's nothing wrong with loving something very deeply, even if it's fictional in nature.

Not everyone you meet is going to agree with that sentiment — I've been at the receiving end of ridicule when it comes to being too enthusiastic about my interests many times in the past; I was bullied for it as a kid — but it's good to remind yourself that there are many people that do. They're out there, even if they're not in your immediate vicinity.

Whenever a new game I'm excited about gets a new trailer or is released, I still get butterflies about it. I had tears in my eyes when I finished playing RE4R the first time and the credits rolled, because I felt it did such justice to one of my favorite video games of all-time and I was just so happy to have experienced it. I think about my favorite fictional guys every single day, and regularly gush about them to my friends. I can't imagine a life where I don't still get excited over the works of fiction that mean the most to me.

I've spent my entire life finding comfort in fiction, escapism always being my go-to coping mechanism, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that, so long as your behavior isn't problematic and detrimental to your well-being (and it sounds like you know when it's time to take a step back and reflect), you're perfectly fine.

Being lowkey about stuff is vastly overrated. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about being passionate.

[sanstropfremir]

you know what it's time for? end of year wrap up posts! and the first one up is....

fave choreos!!

runners' up

villain - trendz

i'm only going to include one trendz choreo on this list because otherwise they'd take up like four slots, but their debut choreo really set the bar for just how impressive their choreography was going to be. i'd encourage you to check out their other choreos: tnt, trauma, who, and clique.

stupid cool - dawn

it's the right mix of casual playing around and some difficult technique, and everyone looks like they're having a blast while performing. i feel like people forget that dawn is an extremely talented dancer because the everything else about him is very distracting, but this choreo is a great marriage of the goofy and serious in a way that very few idols are capable of

pose - kino

there's always gonna be one taemin clone on this list, but that's ok because sometimes they get it right, which is how i feel about kino's solo debut. i like that he went for a less popular taeminprint (day and night) and i think there was enough there that made it his own; kino is a good dancer and choreographer so that much was unsurprising to me.

doom du doom - p1harmony

p1harmony are one of the few groups to have a dancer with real freestyle skills, and they finally put them to use in this choreo. soul has a fun lil freestyle solo dance break and he changed it up for every performance. i'm no gonna link them all here but here's a few: 220722, 220726, 220728. plus it seems to be a theme with their choreos to climb on stuff (or at least it was for this cb, you can see it also in the black hole choreo), and i find that fun.

suit dance - onlyoneof

unsurprising an ooo choreo made it on here, they're a very strong dance group and although we haven't had many choreos from them this year due to the solo projects, suit dance was still one of the best of the year. excellent thematic and prop work, which you can see better in this stage. a little bit peeved they never put out a dance practice of it.

bad at love - tempest

like with a lot of groups on this list, you're going to notice that i had to pick just one choreo from their 2022 releases, bc there was a LOT of consistently good work from groups this year. i went with this bside from tempest's debut because it captures how fun their choreography is, although this could have just as easily been can't stop shining or bad news.

uh heung - dkz

the unflopping of dkz has been the biggest kpop cinderella story of the last few years, and they deserve it because their choreography has been equal parts great and stupid the whole time. uh heung is such a fun time with some really interesting formations, my fave is kyoungyoon being 'scared' of the tiger at the bridge. runner up slot for them is cupid, which is more on the stupid side, but it's so charming.

bound - key

i said i wanted a senior artist to bring back vogueing and i got what i wanted, thank u kibum.

creature - e'last

no prop choreo from e'last this year, but we did get this spectacular and spooky choreo for creature. excellent use of stillness to accentuate the predatory nature of the song, plus a point choreo move that involved the back, an under-utilized feature in kpop.

eyes on you - kangta

it's so so rare to see a modernized first gen choreo because very few of them are still active, and the ones that are that still do serious choreography are boa and rain (although we did get a new shinhwa choreo this year too, somehow their second cb about guns?), who have exceptional skills for the generation. so the fact that we got a whole new kangta choreo in 2022? a true gift. in first gen tradition this is not particularly technically difficult and it has a lot of movements typical of that style of kpop dancing, but he makes everything look so fluid in a way that younger more technically skilled idols fail to do when covering older choreographies.

faster + 2 baddies - nct 127

this one is a bit of cheat, but the faster choreo is meant to lead directly into the 2 baddies choreo and it's often used as the intro, plus there's a couple of repeating motifs in them, so i'm bundling them together. in typical 127 tradition, these choreos are fuckin weird and inventive, and i like how they're so prescriptive to their car themes. the gear turning member switching in faster makes my brain go brrr and 2 baddies has a ton of really fun and unusual formation switching that you don't get to see thanks to music show camerawork.

dice - onew

for someone who's not a very strong dancer, he does a great jobwith this choreo and the choreographer did a great job making pictures around him, rather than relying on him to provide the technical clarity. also like with the stupid cool choreography, this one looks like it's fun to perform for everyone involved.

---

top ten

bring it on - oneus

oneus choreos always make my list because they consistently have some of the best and most interesting choreographies in the biz, and they're some of the strongest performers in the biz as well. bring it on is so full of energy and big movements and even though i've seen it dozens of times at this point i still get surprised by it. the intro goes hard as well, like all oneus intros do.

+

sparkling - chungha

chungha always has gorgeous choreo and sparkling is no different. plus i am not immune to hair flips and also women.

+

walking on the moon - tan

to be completely honest, this choreo is on here for one specific move, and that is the moon phase sequence at the beginning of the final chorus (3:50 in this video). i don't know how many times i've watched just that move and i could keep watching it forever. it's perfect. you can see it with camerawork here. the rest of the choreo is good too, it's nice to see a return to second gen style simple and iconic point choreography.

+

louder - tan

next gen beastdols. that's it.

+

heartburn - sunmi

once again sunmi comes back with an amazing choreography. i love her versatility in how she chooses to illustrate the themes in her work; last year it was dark through tail and this year it's light and playful in aesthetics but still heavy on the man-killing. we love to see it.

+

devil - changmin

changmin was always one of the weaker tvxq dancers and was also never that interested in the technical aspects, so it makes sense that his solo choreography would focus less on being technically complex and more about emphasis on a character. the strength of the devil choreography relies on building this righteously corrupt preacher character and how the dancers move around him as congregants/demons that interact and mirror him. my favourite move is the mirrored windmill, especially when you see them in full costume where the backup dancers' faces are covered.

+

guerrilla + halazia - ateez

i'm gonna cheat again for this one, but in all fairness to myself, they dropped halazia on literally the last day of the year and i genuinely cannot decide if i like it more than guerrilla or not. so they can share third place. i was not that impressed with their choreo from 2021, but they really stepped up their game this year in almost every way.

+

parallel universe - nine.i

in the second year in a row, a rookie group is placing at second. but there were such strong turnouts from rookies this year, so it's unsurprising that more than one group made my list. i've talked many times about how much i love this choreography, so i won't expound too much on it again, but for this complex and unusual of a choreography to be for a debut and nothing nine.i has done since this has disappointed me so far. if you want to learn more about the details of the choreo, they talk about all the motifs in the performance commentary video!

+

birthday - ten

i hope you all guessed that this was going to be the top one because there was no other option. this choreo is fucking incredible and there's no other idol that can do what ten does with his body. in a year with no taemin and many taemin clones he brought something that was unique to him and something only he could do, which is exactly what you should be doing as an artist. i don't even have anything else to say about this, just that it's the kind of thing that i want to be seeing from solo artists and i'm very glad that ten stepped up the plate and swung for the fences in ambition and creativity and desire to make something that embodied him.

--

that's a wrap on choreos for 2022! not a boring year at all even though both taemin and kai were absent. it's nice to see that the younger gens are starting to get creative with the types of choreography that we're seeing, there was a lot of variety this year and i'm hoping it continues into 2023!

[dnalkaline]

I don't even know why the fuck I try anymore.

It feels like everything important to me always feels the need to be ripped out in the worst way possible.

Every time I try saving up for a vacation or to go to an event I've always wanted to go to, I end up having some kind of freak accident or health issue that makes me pay out the ass from the money I saved up and then if I can still go I basically have to walk around broke.

And the worst part is, after I nearly died because my dad refuses to ever do checkups on his car and assured me the brakes etc. were completely fine (despite that thing being a death trap), he keeps refusing responsibility and keeps going "it was fine :/// idk what happened" despite literally everyone who looked at the car report said that if I tried to drive home that night, my car WOULD have had the tie rod snap and the rusted breaks would have immediately caused me to spin out of control on the highway and probably kill me. It's like he doesn't even care. He didn't have any reaction when he was told about this. I almost started crying because he's supposed to be the "good" parent but... idk. It always feels like people SAY they care about me just to make themselves feel better but people rarely actually SHOW they do.

Being in poverty would be enough but my life just feels the need to be gut punch after gut punch. I lose inheritance that was promised to me that would immediately make my life insanely easier at the drop of a hat just bc the person (has repeatedly) decided to change their mind and sell it for themself or give it to someone else. Everyone I've ever truly loved IRL as family has been taken from me and released from this mortal coil. And now with my brain disease I'm starting to lose the only thing I ever really prided myself on- my mind.

After the pandemic made everyone's finances eat shit, nobody wants my art anymore (right when I was starting to gain some traction!) and I have to spend my time bending over backwards for a bunch of really demanding gig work that I didn't even really have a choice in doing.

I'm too disabled to work a "real" job but too mentally competent that I got denied and even if I do EVENTUALLY win it could take years to get SSI and my rights as a human being will be limited. I used to try to put my foot in the door for like webcomic startups and shit like that as a contracted worker and every single time I get hired the company goes under and I barely have anything to show for it. I want to submit to the local art gallery to maybe get my works out there and possibly find someone who wants to buy them but there's a fee to it and I just. idk.

I keep trying to make myself feel better and less "useless" by donating old stuff or giving it to friends who might need it. And usually this helps but. I don't know. I don't even know how to talk to people about this because to be honest my therapist is kind of stumped on how to help me now. Like she's trying her best and she does have good advice it's just there's only so much you can do when there are circumstances out of your control beating the shit out of you constantly. And I can't afford to be sent to the mental hospital and even if I WAS, the last time I was there was so traumatizing due to the racism and negligence that I don't want to go back.

Maybe it would be better if I had some IRL friends to hang out with more but most of the guys I would hang out with either committed suicide or I stopped talking to them because I realized that I wasn't being treated very well. I don't know what to do. My therapist assures me I'm constantly just being dealt a bad hand of cards and I'm doing my best but I don't care anymore. I hate being alive. I hate my life so much.

I don't even know why the fuck I'm writing this. I guess I just want it to be known *somewhere* that I haven't been very well for a very long time and if I just randomly disappear one day you can all probably guess what happened. I'm not going to do anything stupid tonight but I've been fighting the urge near-daily for the past few months while trying to pretend I can keep making it through. I don't know. I just want everything to stop I wish miracles were real. I hate how you can fight depression and suicide ideation for over a decade and it feels like it's never gets much better.

It doesn't help I keep having this OCD fear that I'm going to die before my next birthday and all the stuff lately is freaking me out.

I'm crying too hard to keep typing and looking at what im typing so idk if you read all this thanks ill probably feel better after a nap or something but everything just feles so fucking exhausting

[feuqueerfire]

The Merciless Live Blogging

Added it after watching Strangers From Hell, it's got Im Siwan in it and is also apparently focused on 2 men and is darker? action-y?

I too don't like fish and everybody's like "are you even [nationality] if you don't like fish?"

oh lol

1 Day After Release From Prison

wait, I thought this took place inside a prison at least partially but maybe not?

3 Years Ago

oh that fight thing was happening in the prison

the referee cigarette tax cellmate guy is called Han Jaeho

13 Days After Release From Prison

oh this is gonna be 2 timelines at once

ah, so Jaeho greeted Siwan's character when he was released and brought him to the criminal empire that he's a part of?

Prison

oh? okay I'm slightly lost because I'm also playing 2048 but kinda get it. so Jaeho got usurped because the new guy was gonna pay the chief or whoever more ig and then a lackey tried to kill Jaeho, who Siwan's character saved him from. Then, they blackmailed the chief? using those cigarette photos because it'd be bad if it got out that the chief was letting everybody have access to cigarettes and taking a cut of the money? and so the chief are letting Jaeho do whatever they want with new guy now?

damn boiling water on the mans. but it's not really satisfying to see the torture because we as the audience don't really hate that new guy mans much

wait idgi who is Mr. Ko that's paying the new gang to kill Jaeho? it's Jaeho's boss?

32 Days After Release From Prison

oh the boss here is Mr. Ko? I see

3 Years Ago

oh cop lady wants to catch Mr. Ko and knows that Jaeho gonna be released in 2 years and wants to infiltrate their men... Siwan's character is undercover cop?

Siwan's character: Jo Hyunsu

oh Hyunsu didn't wanna go to the jail operation (and would've rather done gang infiltration) but the cop lady will give his mother a kidney, I can't remember

oh, the nephew is also a Mr. Ko hater and wanted to team up with Jaeho against him (maybe he's too dumb to doublecross?)

interesting that Hyunsu fr kept his actual name Jo Hyunsu when going under the disguise

oh? is the guy who was infiltrating the gang the one who was killed in the first scene? that sucks for his new child.

agh, it seemed like Hyunsu's mother would die when on that phone call but I was wondering if somebody would kill her, seems like she got hit and ran over

ohhhhh Han Jaeho got Hyunsu an exit permit to see his mother at her funeral

damn Jaeho's mother poisoned her family

alksdf okayyyyy Jaeho was like oh you wanna work with me? and Hyunsu is straight up like "hyung, I'm a cop"

127 Days After Release From Prison

ehhh how many days? *buku buku pao pao*

Im Siwan gets called "jagiya" by his male costar before Strangers From Hell

oof the double crossing. so Hyunsu breaks the watch the cops are using to keep tabs on him -> the cop comes back to give him another watch -> Hyunsu has to punch the cop to show the cop that he has to cover up not being affiliated with him when Jaeho shows up -> Jaeho beats cop up and Hyunsu has to pull him off -> Jaeho knows that guy was a cop but Hyunsu and he both pretended he didn't know -> Jaeho is like why was a cop coming to you right now?

oof, Hyunsu said he trusts Jaeho

pls the nephew is kinda funny "yedera, he hangs out with cops"

3 years ago

oh lmfao Jaeho found out from the nephew of Mr. Ko that Hyunsu is a cop during the background check before Hyunsu told him ah

ohhhhhh Jaeho is the reason Hyunsu's mother died and that's how he got Hyunsu to confess about being a cop and onto his side he's so cruel and evil

After Release From Prison

ohhh the cops suspect he's turned over, so they test him by capturing Hyunsu and saying "Jaeho told us all" and Hyunsu reacts as if he's surprised by Jaeho knowing

oof, Hyunsu trying to get the cops to find out who killed his mother - he'll feel so betrayed when he learns it's Jaeho (unless he's like triple crossing Jaeho as well). i wonder if the cops actually know but aren't saying anything bc Hyunsu will blow up

1 year ago - day of accident

oh, so the cops knew from this early on that Jaeho is behind the accident - does this mean they also know that Hyunsu revealed himself to Jaeho instead of just suspecting recently that he did?

150 Days After Release From Prison D-Day

oof Hyunsu gave the wrong info to the cops and so the gang people were prepared

I was wondering when Jaeho would fuck over Mr. Ko

who is in the photo that the cop is looking at?

lol Hyunsu getting Jaeho to shoot him

oof Hyunsu has been told about Jaeho killing his mother and now he's thinking back to all the hints Jaeho gave

lol Jaeho has sewn doubt in Jaeho's mind, so the nephew probably gonna get fucked? unless they figure out that Hyunsu is lying to Jaeho

oof Jaeho beat and stabbed the man. he was also telling Jaeho to open his eyes rip

oh the ball bouncing sound - first Jaeho was bouncing it occasionally throughout the movie and now Hyunsu is doing it - reminds me of Straners From Hell Moonjo's bouncing ball habit

oof

ah Jaeho saying he really did have his eyes closed and should've killed Hyunsu earlier. It's like how Hyunsu had trusted Jaeho but he was the reason his mother was dead; so Jaeho had trusted Hyunsu and killed the friend but has been betrayed by Hyunsu

so Jaeho just shot near Hyunsu right? didn't actually shoot him in the head?

lol cop really hit Jaeho with her car

oh wtf Hyunsu really just shot the cop soooo many times omg emptied his whole gun and still kept shooting

Hyunsu suffocating Jaeho

oh a tear from Hyunsu about killing Jaeho - whereas he didn't care about the other cops dying at all

are we supposed to think Hyunsu's dead in that car or no? I guess not, he's just sad and contemplating coming full circle from being picked up in the car by Jaeho at the beginning of the movie but all the betrayal by the end

I do like going into shows and movies knowing very little, so every twist was fun for me; none of it blew my mind but I was still surprised nearly every time because I wasn't trying to predict the twists or anything. Im Siwan is just really good at these sorts of roles I guess, his situation, dynamic with the other male lead, and ending had similarities to Strangers From Hell for sure (or I should say it the other way around because this came first). I wish so much of the movie wasn't in such darkness though, I can't fucking see rip. I wasn't that into the bromance aspect but did like how intertwined they were and how willing to trust the other and how that trust got betrayed.

Rating: 6.5/10

[ubemango]

Ok are we ready to ruuummmmmmmmbllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Basically this whole fic was supposed to be the ultimate ~test~ on oc and jk's relationship--they reach that post-honeymoon phase where they're comfortable (re: strangers, again by wong fu for any east/south east asian on that side of the internet in like 2010 LOL) with each other and at first it's not bad . Like they're still very much in love but it's quieter and it feels like flying a plane into the endless blue and the clouds are hanging out and there's just nothing for you to do but stay up 30k feet bc that's what u do when u fly a plane, right? You stay where it's safe and then you somehow find yourself landing somewhere.

It's a bit of a timeskip: oc is in their 2nd year of their PhD preparing for a conference with Namjoon and publishing their first research article !!ever!! and jk's about to graduate college. In other words: they are very Stressed Out. someone has time while the other does not. someone wants to watch a movie but the other doesn't have any interest except Focusing On Their Own Thing. And they get so clippy with each other, and it happens with jk first. He's so excited about going on a nice dinner date with oc which they had planned for like, two weeks, and oc was so sure they didn't have any meetings that night but some of their students are struggling with their end of semester papers and oc is so sorry, please can we reschedule? I promise I'll make it up to you next week. You still have that time block during the day where our breaks line up right??? and jk is like well no, I've got group study with Jimin now bc I'm literally about to fail this mandatory class on stats and ?!??!?!????? like it's fine like literally, shit like this happens all the time. He forces it down his throat and he's fine, but his tummy feels like lead for some reason.

another instance: oc is upset one day because academics are so uptight and their work circle is just--like it's NOT it lol. And they start getting second thoughts about pursuing a PhD at all and ~this~ was supposed to be a whole exposition part of oc's mom, a very beloved professor at the university they're studying, who died before she could release a book she was writing and oc's dad who was so heartbroken he would disappear into thin air for months at a time and just. Literally leave the country and go backpacking or some shit like. Oc is SO abandoned ;-; and they're just like pls I need someone to hold me right this instant or I will burst and jk just cannot be there for them bc he's ALSO having a bad day from school and they just >_< can't get on the same ground!!!! One needs attention, the other cannot hold a conversation because they're so over the day, and it's just a terrible phone call where neither of them can say the right thing to each other >_______<

Anyway one thing that I *did* write was the scene where it all goes to shit and jk is hanging out with his friends and they're drinking and getting high and jk is like???? Am I not supposed to be doing something right now??? but he's like nah I'm chilling. And Yugyeom starts lambasting jk about how smart their gf is, wow what's it like to be the Lesser One and not have anything going for you other than your sports? and he really is teasing but jk gets SO mad and starts questioning his worth in all aspects and he's like my god. ur right. I am very just......... me and oc always takes care of me and I'm baby, I don't really have that much job prospects other than going pro in hockey but he's one more concussion away from being benched forever and it's not looking so hot. and anyway the evening rolls in and he looks at his phone and there's an event reminder on his phone and--what do u know, tonight is oc's Big Conference where they get to talk about their First Ever Research Article that's being released soon and he's like FUCK. OH MY GOD BBBBBHJFBWI3UBWHEJB and he GOES and he calls an Uber and it takes him an hour to get to the hall the conference is being held out bc it's in the city and it's rush hour and my god he is sweating bullets when he gets there. But all he sees when he gets inside is the caterers moving empty snack trays away and the garbage being picked up and stragglers of attendees saying goodbye to some of the profs jk recognizes and boom, out comes walking oc who looks Very Professional and not at all bothered : ) but then they make eye contact w jk and it feels like ice water washes over him from how cold they seem to be. And oc actually just walks past him without saying a WORD and jk is like wait--

and oc is like you smell like beer, weed, and sweat and I do NOT want to hear anything you have to say right now and jk, still pretty tipsy and high is like PLEASE i'm sorry, I lost track of time yadda yadda and

it

is

SO BAD J4HBFI2UKJ4WFHW'

oc has poison on their tongue. And they lash out about how he's never around for them anymore and jk retaliates with the EXACT same reason and they absolutely cannot see eye to eye and they insult each other and lash at insecurities and neither of them are screaming but my god is it tense

Oc is the first to start crying. and jk just absolutely crumbles but oc does not want to get another word out so they leave him there feeling like shit.

They don't talk for two weeks ;w; and then! oc's dad comes home!!! wowoweee!!!!!!!!!! and basically is like, you've got a hard head. your brain works fine but my god do you Not Ever Open Up and oc does not have it in them to say that He doesn't get the right to be giving them advice, you are literally never here!!!!!!!!!!!!! but what can you do?????? grief manifests in weird ways. Oc just thinks about how much they miss their mom and that she would know what to say. She was the smartest woman on earth. It's the only thing they and their dad can agree on

It's Jimin who consoles oc. asks them what the hell they're doing with their life because he cannot handle jk moping, he smells like monster energy drinks all the time and he's got perma cheetoh dust in his fingernails like it's BAD Bad. and oc cries again and is jsut like ??!!??!?!? I don't know I don't KNOWwwww and all jimin can do, really, is give them a hug, and suddenly they can't remember when the last they hugged jk. and it's a small comfort jimin can give and oc takes it greedily.

I had this one idea stuck in my head for the longest time where oc just has a really ugly side table in their living room. it was a last minute find at the thrift store and it's scratched up and the wrong shade of brown but whatever, it was cheap and could hold a lamp on top. and oc lets newspapers and coupons and letters pile up on it for so long that when they take a good look at it, realizes that they've created a space that is just holding way too much and it's annoying to see a mess where there doesn't need to be. And it's like that *click* holy shit it makes sense moment and they're like........... I need to talk to my boyfriend

the good Ending: jk comes over that night and they Talk. Like Talk Talk. about what's bothering them, what they need from the opposite person right at that very moment. And they both cry and apologize and it's soooooooooo ;w; like ;w; you know those moments where it's just *so* clear that Things could have gone so differently if you had just.... stopped to listen? yea it's that. and jk stays the night and they fall asleep with their socks on bc they're so tired from crying and like?????????? yay!!!!!!! they make up!!! and oc publishes their paper and jk graduates YAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had a secret teenie tiny Bad Ending tucked away in the corner and it's basically--they still talk and cry and air out all the grievances. and. and. and. they think about breaking up:P I never went through the logistics of it all, but I remember having this idea of coming out with otiyr 3 (THREE!!!!!!) where it's 10 years from the second one and they HAVE broken up and they're both Adulting and somehow find their way back to each other........ and............listen like.......... I'm such a glutton for ANGST like.............. I would have 100% wanted it to be Like This if I had the time and energy ;w;

anyway that's it thank u I love u x1000 <3

I’m gonna spoil otiyr 2

[jelzorz]

The Temptation of High Mage Callum

(Or: I want in on the theories, this looks like fun!)

Not so long ago, Wonderstorm released the S4 trailer, and people lost their collective shit at two things: Stella the cuddle monkey and her potential life of villainy, and Rayla being in Callum's office, and whether or not she's the real thing. I love the crack theories around Stella but today we're discussing Rayla and why I, personally, don't think she's real.

SO. Here are my two biggest questions:

If Rayla's mission was to kill Viren and keep the boys safe, why has she come back?

If she has come back, how do we get from this

To this

In a way that's meaningful and significant in a 9 episode season?

Q1. Rayla is stubborn, self sacrificial, and a little bit stupid, which, when combined with her low self esteem and sense of honour, makes for a dangerous combination indeed. The reason she leaves in the first place is to protect Callum:

We make sacrifices so that the ones we love don’t have to. It’s part of protecting them—part of protecting you. Taking on hard choices and going to dark places is an act of love. It’s a gift. So, please let me give you this gift, Callum. Stay safe, and stay in the light. Don’t follow me, and don’t look for me. I don’t think you’ll find me, anyway.

We know at this point that she can't have fulfilled her goal of killing Viren, so if he's still at large, why is she back at all? Rayla's doesn't seem the type to come back empty handed, and she has to know that this wrecked him. She, essentially, left him a break up text on his birthday, and as much as we joke that they're ridiculous teenagers, he jumped off a mountain after her in 3x09 because he was going to save her or he was willing to die trying.

This is a love for the ages, and after her parents "ran away" and her need to "pay the price that they should have", it doesn't feel right that she would come back empty handed. She has, in the past, abandoned missions, but only at Callum's behest.

She doesn't have Callum this time. Callum is, rather consistently, the only person who breaks her cycles, and it would take one hell of a therapist to help her realise that she has the power to break them on her own. But to come to that conclusion by herself? Off screen? Without intervention from the people she loves most when this behaviour has been her way of life since birth? Seems fake.

Q2. It's only a 9 episode season and boy do they have some ground to cover. This theory banks a lot on the Cube Hostage Exchange Theory (CHET) (@raayllum, 2020) bc it feels like that's where things are going. In a nut shell:

Callum has a cube called the Key of Aaravos that was literally found in a box of keys

Aaravos is the obvious big bad and needs to be released

Callum known to abandon his own morals in the past if it means saving Rayla

@raayllum has this pretty much covered and there are too many allusions to something like this for it to be nothing. They're too deliberate. Too consistent. Rayla keeps running into danger and Callum keeps running after her, and CHET would be the thing to break her out of that cycle.

Rayla left at the end of TTM and is running headfirst towards Aaravos

Callum hands over the cube and the fate of the world in exchange for Rayla's safety

Again, 9 episodes. Doesn't feel like a lot of time. Rayla's absence has to be felt. They need to explain where she's been. If she comes back, she has to be back for long enough for her presence to be felt, because for CHET to work, Callum has to lose her again—and as if he could let that happen after he's already lost her once.

How do you fit that into 9 episodes? How do you make her absence, and then her presence, and then her absence again feel meaningful in so little time? Other stuff has to be happening too, how do you fit it all in?

I'm certainly not saying they can't—I'm wondering how.

The answer to both Q1 and Q2?

Aaravos.

The Temptation Theory (Me, 2022) posits that Aaravos has been observing Callum through the mirror for the 2 years he's had it, so he knows that Callum has his cube. Callum also has a picture of Rayla over his desk, and I imagine he's had plenty of breakdowns in his office, so Aaravos would know of his broken heart too. Furthermore, Aaravos is a Startouch elf, and he seems to be able to divine enough to know when things are coming and what's happening in the outside world.

Callum has been known to vehemently reject dark magic—except for the one time he did it to rescue Rayla. He's a primal mage now, so he has no need for it, and yet we have this:

Why? What's changed? What's got him desperate enough to perform magic he's so morally against?

Once again, the answer is Aaravos, the bringer of magic to humans, a prisoner who knows that Callum has his key. How does he convince Callum to bring it to him?

By offering him the chance to find the thing that matters most: Rayla.

And of course, Callum doesn't believe him. Callum's not tempted by his offers of power, unless it's power to protect the people he loves—or perhaps to find someone he's lost. And Callum needs to have this interaction with him BC CHET hits hardest when he knows the world is at stake, but he chooses Rayla anyway.

See also:

In most circumstances, the cube only glows when it's directly adjacent to something of a primal source, unless there's a particularly strong source of power nearby, a la the Moon Nexus. Here, there's no Star thing in sight. It can be argued that it's reacting to Stella being nearby, but Stella's nowhere to be seen either.

What you can see is the mirror.

TLDR, the Rayla in Callum's office is a vision used by Aaravos to gain his trust and as this season's Call to Adventure. Callum's stayed in Katolis this long, why leave now? Because he has a lead—a lead in the form of Aaravos: We can Help each other. Bring me the key and I will help you find the love of your life. It may or may not be with the use of dark magic.

And of course, Callum hesitates bc he has no reason to trust Aaravos, and he doesn't do dark magic, Thank You Very Much, but he's done dumber things for Rayla before. This is the first solid lead he's had in years. He dons his scarf. He goes out on his adventure. He finds her swords abandoned, and she would never willingly be separated from them so he must be too late, and something terrible must have happened.

But he's come this far. It's just a question of how much further he's willing to go.

To the end of time. To the end of the earth.

[kalopsia-stars]

"What would happen if the player quit genshin bcs they have already lost interest to genshin?"

I actually quit genshin like maybe a week ago bcs i already lost interest with the game. I've been thinking about quitting genshin like around november or december. whenever i play it again, it doesn't feel like the same energy anymore like i used to play months ago or maybe a year ago. (I play genshin like around october 2020)

I feel guilty of quitting genshin but it doesn't mean im gonna left the community, i still love them dearly in my heart

I remember back then, i used to play genshin like around 8-14 hours playing non stop. And now it's like nothing is new for me anymore

Even tho i feel kinda sad that i quitting genshin but i will try my best to play it again maybe in the future!! (Probably yes or no :( )

It was a fun time playing until our interest is already dropped. it was a nice travels with the other/new characters but i promise I will comeback again whenever i have time to play!

At some point, I also just got bored in Genshin Impact. I ended up taking a month-long break from it, but eventually came back when I saw the amount of content being added. Of course, it's your choice if you want to return, but I hope one day you can enjoy it again! lol it was the opposite for me, my laptop was so bad I could barely run genshin for a minute or two, so I was stuck with my computer frozen for hours on end. but when I got my new laptop (and a gaming one, at that), I started playing almost every day for about an hour or two

Now, to the ask...

If you, the player, were to quit Genshin, the response would most likely be... continuance.

The only reason why the sentient characters began trying to find a way to communicate/interact with you was to find answers as to why their world has become off. But with you gone, they can't do any more than what they've been able to beforehand. Their only choice? Continue life as it had been before you came.

However, depending on how long you've been in the game will change how much their view on their sentience and their world has become. If you've only played up until about a year or less, it's most likely their world would gradually return to normal before you had made it into your game. But longer than that, be certain some changes may end up becoming permanent.

As the traveler, you've made quite the impact on Teyvat. Your name is known and continues to spread in the nations that have been and have not yet been released alongside your deeds, but that has all been under your guidance. If you're gone, the traveler will have to pick up on where you've left, now with more emphasis on trying to find their sibling.

As for the other characters, your sudden disappearance means their lives can return to normal. However, what is normal now, just when they were adjusting to that new lifestyle with you? Despite it all, their lives carry on as they always have before you came, but that lingering sense--that hope that you may return--is something they try to shake off. They can't help but feel a bit happy when they see the traveler, but only to realize that's all they are now. The traveler, as themselves.

The System slowly struggles to exist. You've been gone for so long that it barely seems to be able to get a grip on itself as its existence, let alone if you've also uninstalled Genshin Impact. Their creators have finally caught up to what it’s been doing and are currently trying to disassemble the System as best as they can.

However, especially if it's your own creation, it's difficult pinpointing something actively trying to avoid being destroyed.   

Some had considered you untrustworthy before accepting you, while others found you to be interesting. But now that you're no longer here... It seems that things will have to keep on going as they were.

[dreamsclock]

can't stop thinking about that dreamon au snippet you wrote about george and sap busting dream out and how hard it's gonna be for them to get him back into any kind of fighting shape. like, they'll probably do their best to patch him up and get him healthy but might end up fucking something up and making it worse (like, not getting how malnutrition recovery works and he ends up with refeeding syndome, shit like that). just like, the possession was bad enough, but with torture on top of it and no medical knowledge? they're gonna have a rough time

this is the first piece of writing i’ve cried over writing!! i need y’all to know i had a much much darker version i was gonna post and changed my mind ,, you’ll be able to find it on twt soon if you want :’) click THIS before if you want to be sadder, click THIS after to cheer you up a bit bc i hate dropping heavy angst and then dipping on y’all absdkasjkd

warnings: sickness, fevers, death / dying, grief, heavy angst emotional distress, illness, extreme illness - please be very careful with reading, there’s pretty intense emotions in this !! <3

Dream gets sick a lot now.

He’d been the one with the strongest immune system before all this, often taking care of George and Sapnap whenever they got sick, but now his body is shot to hell and back, and he’s bedbound with the slightest illness, temperature dangerously high and pulse frighteningly sluggish. Sapnap cries the fourth time it happens. George doesn’t speak for two days. Dream always pulls through, but always looking a little paler, a little weaker.

A little more like he’d like to be back in the dreamon’s clutches, and it makes both of them feel ill.

It’s because of his wounds, they know - Dream’s body is littered in wounds, some of them minor, most of them awful, and they’re only just beginning to close up, three weeks later. They get infected far too easily for George’s liking, considering how shit both he and Sapnap are when it comes to medical things. 

(”If Bad was here, he’d know what to do,” Sapnap murmurs restlessly one night, dark circles under his eyes more pronounced than ever, and George doesn’t look up from stitching one of Dream’s wounds back up but his heart sinks, because Sapnap is right and it hurts, “if he came with us, he would be able to help, no problem.”

“Well, Bad isn’t here.” Releasing a short, pent up breath, George scrubs at his face, tries to keep himself calm. “He’s still all egg-ified. We need to do this ourselves. It’ll be fine.”)

He’d believed it at first: it’ll be fine, he’d said to Sapnap at the start, we’ve exorcised him, he’s safe, he’s out of harm’s way. But after almost a month on the run from people that want Dream dead and the highlight of Dream’s recovery being him waking up in terrified screams and ripping all his stitches leaving himself half dead again, George is beginning to lose hope in his optimism quickly. 

Dream still sleeps most of the day and most of the night. They struggle to keep him awake long enough to eat food he usually throws up and hold a conversation that’s always painfully one-sided before he slips off again, unmoored from consciousness. Sometimes, George wonders if it wouldn’t be kinder to let him die. This is hell - not just for them, but for Dream, who struggles through every setback, who barely makes it out of one horror alive before being plunged into the next.

And then he’s hit with his worst fever yet; an awful, awful thing, that wracks his body with violent shivers and leaves him slurring cries for help from the hallucinations he can’t seem to shake. Sapnap and George almost kill each other fighting about how to break a temperature - do they leave him to get rid of it by wrapping him up warmer? Do they try to cool him down? - while Dream fades away beside them. George, for the first time in his life, is hit with the terrifying thought that he doesn’t know what to do. There’s no easy solution to this problem, no quick-fix - for the first time, George tries to come to terms with the fact his best friend might die in his and Sapnap’s arms, and they would be helpless to stop it.

“It’s okay, Dream,” Sapnap shushes through tears, voice cracking, smoothing Dream’s sweaty hair back from his face, “it’s okay, I promise, I’m here, I’ve got you, I’ve got you. It’s gonna- It’s gonna be okay.”

Dream moans wordlessly, eyelids fluttering. George steps out of the room, because he thinks he’ll start sobbing if he doesn’t, and he can’t afford a breakdown right now, not when he’s the only one sort of holding it together. He can still hear Sapnap’s voice from the other room, can still hear him comforting Dream and promising things will get better, and he presses his hands to his ears, trying to block it out, just for a moment, just a second of oblivion-

“XD,” he whispers, words choked, struggling to force out the name that the god had forbidden him from speaking again, “XD, I need you. Please.”

He’s tried this before: tried begging on his hands and knees for his god to return and help, sobbing at night, breaking down during the day, but he’s never received an answer. He and XD hadn’t ended their friendship well - one too many arguments where George had been scared and XD had felt used and things had gone up in flames (literally, George’s hair is still singed). But he’s desperate. Dream is dying, and there’s nothing he or Sapnap can do about it. 

“XD, Dream- Dream isn’t okay. He isn’t okay. And I’m not okay either, and- and neither is Sapnap- none of us are okay.” George laughs hollowly, burying his head in his hands. “Please help. Please. I- I need you.”

Silence. George holds his breath, desperate for something to happen, desperate for a sign, anything.

...Still silence. 

Nauseous, George heads back into the room, sitting down next to Sapnap and taking Dream’s hand, squeezing it lightly. “Hey,” he whispers, heart breaking, “hey, Dream. Can you hear me?”

“He said he’s sorry,” Sapnap tells George, voice small, “he said- he opened his eyes and looked at me and said he’s sorry for hurting us. He said he’s scared, Georgie.”

It’s hard to breathe past the grief crushing his lungs. George swallows, throat thick. 

“Dream, it’s okay,” he says, uneven, ragged, “if it’s too much, you can- you can go. You can go. It’s okay. You don’t- You don’t need to be scared.”

It’s almost too much to say. Dream’s breathing is slow, shallow: George wonders if he can even hear him, or if he’s already too far gone.

“You’ve done so much,” George continues, running his thumb over Dream’s calloused knuckles, “I know- I know it has to hurt. You don’t need to hold on for us. I promise. I- I know how hard you’re trying.”

Sapnap’s sob beside him is choked, and shakes his whole body. George lets him bury his head in his neck, comforts Sapnap while comforting Dream and tries not to fall apart until his job is over.

“You can let go, Dream. If you have to. You can let go. You don’t have to stay for us.”

Because Dream is so selfless, all the fucking time, and George knows it’s one of the only things keeping Dream fighting. Dream knows it’ll kill both of them to have him die in their arms, so he pushes on, fights through every pain and every illness and every setback because in the end it’s his relief or his friends’, and he always chooses them, every time, without hesitation. 

George brushes his hand through Dream’s hair, a ball of grief sitting heavy in his throat, and knows he won’t move until Dream is gone. They’re with him until the end.

“Look, George,” Sapnap whispers after hours pass, raw, “remember we used to watch that with him?”

George looks up, eyes bloodshot, grief not lessened in the hours they’ve been sitting there, and sees the sun beginning to shine softly through the trees; the start of a new day, as golden and as beautiful as ever. It’s impossible to appreciate, though. It’s impossible to think about when Dream is-

Dream is-

Squeezing his hand back. When Dream is squeezing his hand back, breaths still ragged, exhausted, but determined, a stubborn repetition of his chest rising and falling and rising and George laughs, weakly, thrown by the impossibility of it all, because he’d known Dream had been dying, he’d known he wouldn’t survive the night.

Dream’s hand twitches weakly in his again, and George knows what he’s saying. You’re not losing me like this, he’s telling them, not like this, I won’t go down like this, and when Sapnap, in stunned disbelief, checks his temperature, the fever has broken and his temperature is heading back to normal. “That’s impossible,” Sapnap says, voice shot to hell and back, “that’s- fuck, oh my god, George, he might pull through. He really might pull through this.”

George wants to cry in delight. Instead, he chokes down another laugh, and squeezes Dream’s hand back. 

“He will,” he replies, and for the first time in a long time, he actually means it, “he will pull through. He’s Dream.”

Dream’s hand grips his lightly. I’m Dream, it assures, I’m not going anywhere.

[thesoundofmadness]

oh my fucking god i didn't mean to post this yet. there's so much more. oh my god.

under read more, continuing from above

Howard decides he's had enough of this, and goes to try to apologize to Randy for being a jackass for seemingly no reason

Randy.... doesn't take it well. 'Oh so NOW you wanna apologize? After i've tried a billion times to talk to you?"

They don't talk again for a bit, but Randy does try to talk to Howard again. They ultimately decide to become friends again, but not to bring this up again. Howard doesn't give Randy an actual explaination why (bc that would mean breaking his promise), but Randy's just exhausted and takes his apology.

They slowly start hanging out and being friends again. Levender starts joining them to.

Things between Levender and Howard are awkward in a 'ex meets new partner' sorta way. Levender thinks Howard's a jackass, Howard things Levender's a homewrecker basically.

Randy asks Howard if he wants to practice with him and Levender, so he does. Howard doesn't really takes it seriously, distracts Randy, which pisses Levender off.

I imagine Howard and Levender end up bonding over a shared feeling of feeling inferior. for Howard, Randy was the chosen ninja, the beloved hero of norrisvile. he got all sorts of cool superpowers, and constantly ditched Howard to do cool ninja things. Kinda hard not to feel bad about that, even if Howard would rather die than admit it.

Levender's inferiority comes from his lack of confidence with his music. He's not like, the greatest producer ever, but goddammit he's trying and it's so hard to see other people who are a dozen times better than you constantly. Doesnt help that his band ended up kicking him out for not being as talented as the rest of them.

They bond, Levender asks Howard if he wants to join the band for real. Howard agrees.

They do look for a bassist, but no one really sticks out.

Alongside music, Randy starts to study video editing, directing, art, etc. Hopes it'll help out the band in the future.

One random idea i had is that Randy runs into the new ninja at some point. He was walking home from the store, runs into the new ninja fighting some monster, and drops his stuff. Ninja notices, helps him collect it, tells him to be careful on the way home, then runs off again. Randy's just left staring as the ninja runs off, feeling the weirdest fucking feeling of deja vu ontop of deja vu. that's supposed to be him, but it isn't. it can't be. he's like, 22 at this point, and the ninja is 800 years old. or are they. he doesn't know.

now onto their actual career

Their debut album and 2nd album are just kinda experimental stuff to help find their sound.

On the 2nd album, Randy wrote a song about Theresa and bs that happened in high school. It's basically just him apologizing for being an ass. Theresa hears it, and decides to reach out again.

one thing i didn't mention. randy told theresa his identity as the ninja when they dated in high school. felt too bad from keeping it from her. Theresa remembers briefly about him being the ninja, and does try to ask him about it. Randy doesn't know what she's talking about, saying the classic 'im pretty sure i would remember that' line. Howard tells her not to bring it up again, as Randy doesn't want to talk about it.

they officially get together a little bit after their 3rd album releases.

the 3rd album is REALLY where they get their start. The album features an actual version of Detention Deficit Disorder, which is a BIG hit and gets them put on the map.

I like to imagine Rachel becomes a huge popstar alongside 30STM. Basically Norrisvile's taylor swift. She and Randy become friends, and they help each other out with whatever.

30STM's 4th album is a 2-part collaboration album with Rachel. Side A is Rachel's half, featuring 30STM 'learning to become idols'. Side B is 30STM's half, featuring Rachel 'leanring to become a rockstar'.

I don't have anything specific for this, but I like to imagine the collab album is just kinda a reflection onto why 30stm wanted to do music in the first place, and their struggles in the music industry.

Levender mostly tries to focus on the art, doing it for the love of making music. He does want fame and popularity of course, but dude genuinely loves being a musician and studying music. While Randy and Howard just, wanted to be cool lmao.

30stm and Rachel have a collab concert with randy dancing as an idol.

I like to imagine that 30stm is an indie band, mostly operating through social media. Randy manages their youtube channel and public image, Levender handles everything music, Howard manages and handles everything business.

resentments gets a column all on its own

i've talked about this a dozen times before, but their 5th album is an album called RESENTMENTS. It's about Randy and Howard's ninja trauma.

The album is double length, half of it is in japanese, and no one understands a fucking word of it.

did i mention randy speaks japanese yet. his mom is japanese, speaks very little english.

Randy brought up the idea of making the album. They needed to get started on making another one, and just didn't have any other ideas.

Levender is down from the start, Howard's hesitant, but ultimately agrees to do it.

Levender does the composing and helps out with the songwriting. He tells Randy and Howard to go seek out inspiration, and to come back to him when they're done.

Whenever Randy tries to think about his time as the ninja, his mind just comes up blank. He knows SOMETHING happened, but for one reason or another, can NOT figure out what. He also gets deja vu easily.

Randy starts seeking out this weird feeling he gets, and quickly finds out it's something about the Ninja that gives him that. He doesn't like, seek out the ninja (something is telling him he absolutely, under no circumstances, should NOT do that), but starts collecting whatever he can on them. Mostly video footage of the ninja doing ninja things online.

i imagine there's DOZENS of video clips and such of the ninja online. Some people just collect it for the sake of it, others to try to solve the mystery behind it. There's plenty of Randy as the ninja, some videos even featuring Howard too.

Tho, Randy can't connect the dots. Watching the videos, he just feels there's something... off about them. He tries to ask Levender, but Levender doesn't get it.

Randy also goes around town to familiar places. Anywhere that might be able to tell him anything about this weird feeling. Only place he doesn't go is NHS, because that would be fucking weird.

i like to imagine he tries to find plop plop's temple from apocolypse now.

While Randy doesn't actually connect the dots, he does get a LOT of inspiration from it. Nothing but emotional bangers on this album bro.

Randy does try to ask Howard, who keeps telling him not to worry about it. Howard hates having to lie to Randy about it, but doesn't want to break his promise to him. Randy KNOWS he's lying, but doesn't call him out because he doesn't know what he could be lying about.

Once again, Howard distances himself from Randy.

Levender helps Howard write his half of the album. It doesn't go well, Howard can't write lyrics for SHIT, but he's also just not opening up about it. Levender can't write if he doesn't have anything to write about, and he can tell something is bothering Howard. Doesn't ask him directly, but tries to get closer to him.

They hang out at the mall one day without Randy. Doesn't spark much inspriation, but they do run into the ninja when a monster attacks.

Howard can't bring himself to leave the fight despite Levender INSISTING they should. Howard knows it's just a kid underneath the suit, and sticks around to make sure they're okay. The Ninja gets thrown against the wall, and Howard straight up goes to them and helps them up.

Howard gives the ninja some advice, then fucks off. "Don't ask me how I know this, but did you try the tengu fireball? that should get rid of that monster quick." Levender sees him talking to the ninja, and asks what he said, but Howard just says nothing.

The album takes a long ass time to make, but when it releases, it's an INSTANT hit. Almost immediately hitting trending and topping all sorts of charts.

one of the songs, is called Secret Garden and it's a love song about theresa.

One of the songs is called Hornet's Nest, and it's a direct call out from randy to mcfist. when people realized who the song was about, oh LORD did they go insane.

ive changed my thoughts on what songs are on there so many times, but these two are the most consistent.

general hcs i have;

Randy in particular is big on social media. He streams on youtube/twitch, and regularly posting on twitter, insta, whatever. He's nearly constantly ego surfing.

Theresa runs a 30stm tiktok stan account. 90% of it is just randy doing whatever with captions. someone asks her to make randy icons, she does with a 'absolutely!!! <<<<<333333'. someone asks her to make icons of howard, and she goes 'kys'

they all got stans. i just know there's a 'adopted by 30stm' wattpad fanfic out there.

Randy doesn't really like being recongized in public. dude wears a disguise whenever they go out. it's nothing against his fans, it's just his ptsd.

howard and levender absolutely love being recongized in public tho. delays their grocery store trip by like 2 hours for signing autographs

people probably ship randy and rachel

heidi is pretty famous and popular too. it was a shock when people realized her and howard were related.

i imagine 30stm does charity events, and tries to help out around town when they can.

about the ninja, Randy is still a huge ninja fan, despite his weird feelings towards them. He has a feeling they're not who everyone says they are, and tries to help them out whenever they run into each other.

Howard KNOWS they're not who they say they are, but doesn't dare say anything to anyone about it. He's not about to risk putting 30stm or the ninja in danger, or risk breaking Randy's promise.

Levender thinks the ninja is cool, but doesn't really care to find out who they are.

the bros live together to save money. their house isn't like, a mansion but it's pretty big. probably has a pool in the back.

howard drives around in a big red pick up truck his uncle gave him for graduating college levender has a motorcyle, and randy just has a regular car.

randy doesn't really drink much. he has a very low alcohol tolerance, and just doesn't like being drunk. howard and levender drink together tho. they're not allowed to drive intoxicated, and randy beats their asses every time they try

can't believe i didn't mention this till now but randy is a bit of a legend in the nomicon for defeating the sorcerer and sorceress.

there's more. but it's 3:30 am. will finish this tomorrow

does anyone want a very indepth explaination of all of my rc9gn band au lore/drama. like. ALL of it.

[benka79]

After Dark (We see the light)

Buddie Meta 911 503

Hello friends. Okay I told you this is gonna be a short meta bc we had just a little from Buddie at the end but it was very, very rich in visuals and body language.

Whispers: I just dissected the lockers buddie scene... 😏🔥

Just a few words about the kidnapping

I know we don't wanna talk about this ¡I don't wanna talk about this) but it was the main topic in this episode so I need to say a few words...

First of all, it was a very ugly and boring and weird way to show us this "storyline" as they described in the promo.

But let's rescue some interesting points:

-Another good neighbor helping by recording with her cellphone what was happening with Harry and his raptor. Again, neighbors saving lives just like they did in episode 502.

- Another hint to the idea that "no one is safe".

- Harry's kidnapping as a Foreshadow of Eddie being hostage in 507.

- The whole episode and the whole kidnapping process happened in the darkness. (Visual symbolism as I pointed in my previous meta here.)

- When Athena confronts Jeffrey she also makes a reference to darkness and light, and the firefam appeared illuminating the place. This is a reference about how the family they choose, the people they love, it's always there to support you and help you in bad moments too.

- When the woman asks Michael if Athena was his wife, he answers "Ex-wife", as a premonition of Eddiana break up at the end of the episode.

- The 118 unity assists a 911 call in which a man said his friend had been shot. This was a blatant reference to 413 and 414. The difference was the brachial artery.

- When the firefam goes to find Harry, we had a brief Buddie moment, again working together.

- Harry doesn't want to talk about his traumatic experience. (I talked about this in the previous metas with two characters with talking difficulties, as a Foreshadow for Harry.

- Maddie and her depression is taking relevance now that she thinks she is dangerous for her daughter. Imagine the pain she is handling thinking about this? I can't even...

The Light is Here

Time for some Buddie meta now.

First scene: the Lockers.

Buck sees Eddie coming out and smiles. This smile could mean a lot of things. But because this is a buddie meta, that smile is from someone that didn't expect find his crush still there. A nice surprise to see him again. Even when they were so many days together, you always celebrate the fact that you can have a little more of your crush, right?

Buck says he thought Eddie would be the first leaving because he had a little person waiting for him: Christopher.

The important thing here was the way Buck is talking to Eddie.

Look at him. He is smiling the whole time, eyes focused on Eddie. It reminded me that time in the kitchen. The fondness and the devotion towards Eddie are loud here. The longing, even when Buck implies "Hey Christopher is waiting for you, someone is waiting for you, that's awesome" it felt as is he wished he had that too.

But the smile, the soft gaze and even the voice he uses, is screaming Buck's yearn for Eddie.

Then we had Eddie avoiding Buck's gaze again.

Eddie had been thinking the way to break up with Ana. The seriousness in his face told us he had been thinking about it a lot. But even when he tried to find the word, he couldn't. He only stares at Buck to deliver a strong message.

When he mentions the name of Ana, sending Buck the idea of him breaking up right now, once he gets home.

The hidden message to Buck here is "Look, I'm following your advice, okay? I'm breaking up with her. I don't love her. And is happening now."

Then Eddie leaves and Buck's reaction is... priceless...

Buck is speechless. He can't believe it. First of all, because Eddie is following his advice. Eddie is not like Abby. Eddie is breaking up with her to release her. Eddie is honest. But then, he blinks nervously. Eddie breaking up with Ana means Eddie will be single again.

Remember season 4 opens with Buck saying "I don't tell people how I feel", who was these people? Well, his parents and Eddie. He even bought a book "5 languages of love" to learn how to express his feelings for Eddie. But Eddie started to date Ana, and every hint of being with him vanished. And that's why the sarcastic "What's Ana love language?" Full of Jealousy.

Now, Eddie is gonna be single again. And you can't tell me that reaction from Buck watching Eddie leave is not expressing exactly this: HOPE.

Even Athen mentions HOPE IN THE DARK in this episode.

Second scene: Honey, I'm Home

Suddenly, when the black out ends, we witnesses a continuum of parallels with people coming back home and family waiting for them. The first one is Hen, in video-call with her son. The kid is waiting for her after 5 days.

Then Athena's kids. Then Eddie having breakfast with Christopher and Ana...

And then we have Buck. And the contrast is HUGE. The writers made it blatant to show us BUCK IS ALONE. Even when he's dating Taylor, he is alone. Because Taylor is married with her job, and again, Buck is put to a side.

The irony in Buck's quote: "Honey, I'm home." Is representing his loneliness. His girlfriend is not what Buck wants for him. Buck wants to be seen (just like Norman) he wants to have what that old married gay couple had THAT'S LOVE. Buck wants his own beautiful love story. He wants a person who waits for him at home. That's why the yearn in his voice while he was talking with Eddie in the lockers. Maybe because he was imagining what wonderful would be to come back home together with Eddie and Christopher waiting for them.

This is the preamble to Buck/Taylor future break up. As I wrote in this spec post here.

So, Eddie already has the family he wants with Buck, but he doesn't know it yet, and Buck wants to have a lover who sees him for real. That person is Eddie, but he's not his lover, but his best friend. Well, not his lover yet.

Third scene: "I guess is your mess now."

Okay, we finally are in the Eddiana break up. I really felt sorry for her. Really. She was nervous at first, we can say it because her body language and the verbiage. Her body moved from side to side, trying to clean up the mess in the kitchen.

She knew what was going on. So she was the one saying it first. Eddie just added some few words about Christopher loving her, but the girl knew everything. That's why the talk was quick. There were no more words to say. She chose Spanish to say goodbye to him, because it was one of the things that they had in common, like a mechanism of defense. Then she says he is a great father. This is very important, because she knows Eddie was trying hard to fall in love with her because of Christopher.

But what caught my attention was Ana saying: "I guess it's your mess now" talking about the kitchen, but symbolizing the huge mess that will be Eddie from now on. And the mess is in the kitchen. The place in which Eddie and Buck flirted. The place in which Eddie looked at Buck so fondly as he interacted with Christopher.

That kitchen yells buddie. And it's a mess now. Because what is about to come my friends, is Eddie slowly realizing he is in love with Buck. Let's wait an see.

To Conclude:

Several storylines on the horizon, as the producers said. So we had Harry handling his post kidnapping trauma, maybe not talking about it.

Maddie and Chim story, with Maddie's depression and the seek of Maddie.

Buck's inner desire of being seen vs his relationship with a absent girlfriend.

Eddie rediscovering his sexuality through the realization of his own romantic feelings for Eddie, maybe will be expressed by a lot of Jealousy towards Taylor and some little fights over there. And Buck completely oblivious about Eddie's feelings.

Buenos Aires, October 6th 2021 9:21 AM

[warriorend]

this is probably going to get Long as Hell so i'm gonna put it under a cut (also i'm probably starting this a couple days before it actually gets posted because I'll need time)

do be aware that I'm going over both games, so there's Going to be spoilers

OK it's done, heads up for long-ass post under the cut & also this is a post about deathtraps so. bear that in mind.

IEYTD 1:

Friendly Skies: -Retina scanner/laser: It's. A retina scanner hooked up to some sort of laser. The weaknesses are in that you can either dodge the scanner (I've done this by just slumping down in my seat) or shoot it, for the actual scanner, and then for the laser you can do much the same.

-Timed Bomb: This is again exactly what it says on the tin. It's a timed bomb. It can be disarmed by cutting the wires in reverse order of what you'd do to prime it.

-The Poison: There's no way to actually circumvent this minus just keeping the windows closed. Oh, and it starts going out the cargo door when you blast it open, which ig is a way to "circumvent" it. However it seems to mostly just suffocate you instead of Full-On Poisoning. It's worth mentioning that these games seem to have their own elements/periodic table (judging by Squeaky Clean) so. For poisons that I Personally would know about (<- not a chemist) we've got like. cyanide. strychnine (assuming they have the trees). pretty much anything that you could find via Natural Sources. ANYWAY whatever it is doesn't seem to actually stay in your system, it just makes you cough and so you can't breathe, but unless the player just has Very Advanced flushing systems, it's just something that Isn't Oxygen. It has no lasting effects once you close the windows.

-The scorpions: To be honest this one isn't. Dangerous. As has been noted, the types of scorpions Zor seems to keep around are both nonlethal. This doesn't mean you want to get stung because it would probably still be unpleasant but there's. There's Worse Scorpions. Anyway they mostly just seem to be in containment under the chairs, just don't hit the scorpion button or tuck your feet up & they'll leave you be. (This is also assuming that the scorpions aren't Modified in some way to have more potent venom)

-Just for fun I'll mention the cannon because it seems like it could concuss you if you. Put your head right where it pops out. Which is really just to say: don't put your head there. (Also because it's one of Solaris' contraptions & I feel obligated)

Squeaky Clean: -The first obvious one is the security system, which seems to just be toggled by breaking in (& also maybe from improper ID). But then, that's easy enough to disable - you can either give proper ID (not always possible - it's lucky someone left theirs in the locker) or just cut the wires under the ID scanner, which probably fucks with the computer & shuts it off. If you trip a laser, it releases neurotoxin, but even then it takes a second. There's also plenty of ways to see the lasers - you can use the spray bottle, or the cold chamber. Etc. So it's not that bad.

-Aside from that the lab doesn't actually have many deathtraps. Probably because it's already a chemistry lab & doesn't need them (the chemicals do seem to blow up if you just toss random ones into the mixer).

(As an aside, I don't know if anyone else did this, but I was extremely cautious about the chemical mixer on my first playthrough. I'd read the instructions on the paper & then put the chemicals in the same order based on what the order would be from the front of the mixer. I was very careful.)

-I won't count the Zoraxis agent that sees you as a deathtrap bc they're. that's a person. also they're sorta easy to deal with.

-HOWEVER I will count the early launch as a trap. It was probably primed to go off as soon as the neutralizer was scanned, so I'm calling it a trap. To be honest this is one of the beefier ones, and I don't know how you'd deal with it if you were Just Some Person without telekinesis. With telekinesis, it's not bad. I guess there is an argument to be made for just shooting the cover away, since that's generally what I do until it gets to where I can grab the covers, but you better hope they actually come off. & then you have to get to the rocket, &:

-Have acid on hand to melt the chain keeping the tank closed (at least it apparently only interacts with copper, so at least you wouldn't have to worry about getting it on you. Probably.) -Get the cover off -Drop in the neutralizer -(If you want a chance at survival) get back off of the rocket somehow

All in all it's a nasty little trap & it would have been much more difficult to disarm without telekinesis. I'm not going to say impossible, but difficult.

Deep Dive:

This entire level is a deathtrap. That's the point. However, I will go through the various Components

-The initial state of the pod: The pod is in Shitty Condition, & is severely damaged. It needs fuel, it needs to be de-flooded, the grenade needs to be removed from the engine gears, etc etc etc. All of this is fairly easy to do, though. There's a screwdriver on board, there's backup fuel, all that. Yay. Easy enough to fix. There's also a...very out of date sandwich, which doesn't actually do anything to you, but it's worth mentioning I guess.

-The Grenade: This one is easy to circumvent IF you're careful. You can either use the fire extinguisher pin or a screw. However, once you pick it up, you don't want to put it down.

(kudos to Zor for getting it there without blowing it up)

And now you can get the pod going.

-Control Panel explosion: This was almost definitely deliberate, and probably just a case of the pod's AI being made to overheat something. Either way, there's a fire extinguisher, just put out the fire.

-Engine Overheat: Easy enough to deal with, although I don't know how you'd force an engine to overheat. I'm not a mechanic. To deal with it, you just turn on the waterflow.

-Oxygen Vent: This just empties out all of the oxygen from the pod. What this also means is that you have to get oxygen back. Thankfully there's another supply, but the valve has been removed. Thank fuck for bottle openers. That's really the only way I can think of to circumvent this particular trap, is to use the bottle opener as a replacement valve.

-Structural Failure: I don't know that this was intentional, but it very well could have been. Causing it would probably have just been a case of creating very small weaknesses that would get worse under pressure. Fixing it is just a matter of using the sealant gun, which is very helpfully provided for you. How sweet.

-Self-Destruct: Solaris Contraption #2 (maybe #3 if she had a hand in the Squeaky Clean rocket). It seems to mostly just be a timed bomb hooked into the input panel that pops up. If you fail to put in the correct combination in time, or you use the wrong input, it blows up. However, the disarm combination is in the pod with you, & it seems to have been left there deliberately. After all, if Zor set the grenade in there, they could have taken out the disarm code. They did not do this. So you can disarm the self-destruct module.

Winter Break:

Lodge Time Lodge Time Lodge Time

-To start this off, there's actually...not much. When you first get in, you're probably in the most comfortable position you'll be in all game. Except for Seat of Power, maybe.

-I'll count the deer gas as being the first threat. It's just a gas dispenser hooked into the door behind the painting. The way to circumvent it is to just...light the deer head on fire. The gas is flammable.

-Bear Archer is up next. It's just an arrow launching mechanism disguised as a bear statue. This is easy enough to deal with, since it launches explosive arrows, so you can just...give the arrows back. It is worth noting that it has a fairly clear weakness besides that, which is that its aim seems a bit loose. Sensing equipment is probably in its early phases though, so I won't hold it against it. (There's implications that Solaris worked on these in the second game, but you don't know that in the first one).

-Gravity Machine: (Known) Solaris Contraption #3 This isn't a trap in and of itself, but it does have the laser defense. The laser defense seems to run on the same mechanics as every other laser in this game though, which is that something triggers it, and it shoots out a laser. Easy enough. Although I'm impressed with how many they have considering that they'd have to be pretty strong. Anyways, it's easy enough to avoid, even though you can't immediately disarm it. Just duck. (Although do duck fairly low, because those lasers are lower than they seem).

Vacation: First Class:

-The first problem is actually the buttons on the wall. They explode if you push all of them in. Easy solution to that, though, is to just not press all of them down.

-The thing is, there's not a lot of deathtraps in the train car itself, they all come from outside. So we can skip almost the entire beginning phase of the level (minus the buttons).

-I won't count the fact that the Zoraxis operatives will kill you if you send something to the wrong compartment. There's no way to circumvent the grenade they send you.

-The Storage Device: It's probably just a small bomb that's set to go off if you get the wrong combination enough times. Either through a fuse setup (wrong combination = lit fuse) or though electrical impulse. It's not a huge bomb, either.

I'm not counting the Zoraxis operatives.

Seat Of Power:

Whooo there really should be more deathtraps here than there are.

-The combination lock security: We actually get a look at how this one works! It's a piece of TNT with a fuse at each end - turn the combination dial too far in one direction, and it blows up. The way to circumvent/avoid this is to just change directions often.

-I'll mention the chairs, even though you're in no danger from them. The chair you're sitting in has switches, you can use those to drop the other chairs at the table into a pit of fire. I'm assuming it's fire, but you're underground, so it could also be lava. Anyways, aside from jumping out of the chair (or just never sitting in one to begin with), there's no good way to avoid this, since you probably wouldn't be able to climb out.

-The neurotoxin: It sure is a neurotoxin. It gets activated by hitting a button. The main way to avoid it is to just never hit the button to activate it - you can block the bees with a cigar/cork. There's a mask, however, that you can use to keep from breathing it in.

That's it for Seat of Power, I think, unless the rocket chair (Solaris again) has some trap thing I didn't know about.

Death Engine:

Most of the hazards on the Death Engine are a result of how it operates, not necessarily death traps. Until Solaris makes them death traps, anyway.

So instead. i will simply continue forward. (with the acknowledgement that i seriously considered trying to pick apart how it actually works.)

IEYTD 2:

Okay second game time! yaaaaaay

Stage Fright: There's not a huge abundance of death traps in this level, but the fact that the mask exists makes up for it, I think.

-The Mask: Again, I don't know what sort of poison it's using, but it's pretty strong (& also very vibrantly colored, which. Really just feels like a warning sign). The way it works is that the mask is built around a fog machine - normally, for the fog, you'd just use something safe for that. To break the trap, you just have to swap out the coolant for the canister of butane. The fog machine blows up, the mask breaks, and it stops dispensing the gas.

In regards to the gas, I'm wondering if it kills you due to your proximity to it. If it actually killed everyone in the theater, that would probably be extremely suspicious.

Jet Set: (AKA "this plane wants to kill you So Fucking Bad")

-The lasers: To progress the level, you can't really avoid setting these off (I think you can, if you glitch the fuse out of the cart, but). They're, again, just the standard Zoraxis lasers. I wonder if they have a proprietary thing going on with a laser manufacturer. That or Solaris is making their lasers (since. the Death Engine just seems to be a big laser). Either way, these are really just the standard lasers - avoid em, break em. The chair one is especially easy to deal with, in that you just tilt the chair back.

-The food: The food is a very low-tech deathtrap, but a deathtrap all the same. The blowfish (pufferfish) is extremely toxic (tetrodotoxin, to be specific), I believe the cake is poisoned (<- has never gotten the cake), there's a grenade in the fruit bowl, & there's a scorpion in the sandwich. This can all be avoided quite easily by not ordering anything, although the non-explosive fruits are safe to eat. In terms of actually handling what happens, just don't eat anything (minus the non-explosive fruits), & if you get the fruit just toss away the grenade.

-The cigars: They blow up when you smoke them. Solution: don't smoke them.

-The security system on the flight controls: Well. They're flamethrowers. I don't think there's any way to escape the fire, so you mostly just have to not set them off. This is doable by making sure the fuses are correct (or that none of the lines connected to it line up to a bulb on a fuse).

-The Missile: This is part of This Entire Fucking Plane Wants You Dead, I'm counting it. Juniper had it set up as a last resort, & stopping it doesn't involve shooting/maiming someone.

The way it works is pretty simple, because. It's a missile. Probably heat-seeking or something similar.

The way you stop it is by getting the plane's defense system back online, & shooting the defensive flares at it (much to the chagrin of the plane's AI, who would really prefer you shoot the flares while on the ground). However, if you feel like it, you can also nail it with a laser. This is both harder than you'd expect and easier than you'd expect.

Although, at the end of the day, the way to avoid all of those measures was to just...sit quietly in the plane. Sure, the food is lethal, but if you just didn't order anything, the alcohol is fine. I'm not advocating for getting captured by Zoraxis, because that's not good, but yknow.

Eaves Drop:

-The laser defense system: Right off the bat! There's a laser defense system you have to disarm. Although unlike most of Zoraxis' lasers, these ones just seem to be sensing equipment. The actual dangerous part is the fact that gas (same red gas) is shot out if you trip one of them.

-That One Drawer: I think this is probably a pull string attached to an activating mechanism, probably one with a short fuse. Pulling on the drawer too much or too quickly will cause the bomb to go off. However, you don't have to cut the cable - pulling it out only a little, at a moderate pace, will allow you to get the scraper out of the drawer without actually setting off the explosion. Cutting the cable is just how you disarm it.

-The Bear Archer: Not a threat to you but it is there. It's a threat to the security guard.

-The gas bottle: This can actually kill you if you break it too close to yourself, but generally it's not a threat. You can whip open the cupboard door and be fine. It's just a bottle filled with poison gas, nothing too spectacular.

-The Mask's Tamper Protections: IDK does. that count. it's mostly just in case Juniper gets any "funny ideas" but it definitely will kill you too.

Party Crasher:

-I'll just skip straight to the axe & talk about the rest later. The axe is just...a heavy ass axe on a locked release system, fuck up the barrels and it falls. However, it is just an axe & has no course correction, so you can dodge it.

-Now the entire control panel.

-The Mines: These won't affect you in the level, but they're meant to. They're an outer defensive layer meant to be used in case of invaders. These are also some of the few things that have no nullification if you don't happen to be the person with the buttons, so...good thing you're the person with the buttons. They're probably just wireless explosives, nothin too special.

-The armor gas: This is another case where it would be bad if you weren't the one controlling it, because there's no good way to prevent them from spraying gas. I mean, you could try corking the nozzle, but that could lead to buildup. This stuff is green, however. It only gets turned against you once, but the way to keep that from happening is to just empty the tank preemptively.

-The rest of the death spots in the level are murder attempts.

Safe & Sound:

-The laser defense system: The lasers can kill you, they just generally won't in normal gameplay (AKA you're not standing up & trying to see the posters on the walls & running face first into a laser). These you can't stop from happening, but you can disarm them by overheating their generator.

-Camera Laser: This is Yet Another Laser. It's beefier than the others, though, and if I had to hazard a guess, it could be an actual Zoraxis Thing. In any case, it's a laser, it's on a camera. The camera is moving fairly slowly, so you can just dismantle the camera once you get the drill working.

-Rocket Launcher: That Sure Fucking Is One. It's motion-triggered, which leaves a fairly wide opening, since you have telekinesis. Really, all you have to do to disarm it is wiggle a plate in its general direction & get it to shoot itself. Then you can get the battery & escape.

Rising Phoenix:

-Elevator Security: I guess this counts? It's just an incendiary explosive that gets ejected if you use the wrong card. There's no way to stop it (on the bottom floor) once you've gotten it deployed, but you can just avoid deploying it by using the correct card.

-The Cable Saw: There's like 3 ways to disable this right? The battery, the cattle prod, the functioning battery, & maybe you might be able to spray it with flaming lubricant. In any case, you can't avoid it, but it's not hard to turn off. (this does not mean it doesn't fuck you over later, though)

-The Briefcase: This looks like a deathtrap on the surface. The components are all there. A briefcase controlling whether or not a missile launches, a countdown timer, tense music...and then it's not really? Sure, you can fail, but there's nothing that's going to hurt you if you fuck up one of the briefcase panels. There's no immediate consequence & it bugs the hell out of me. In any case, this is another one of those unavoidable ones, but disarming it is fairly simple. Make a Z in the top left, hit the buttons at (approximately) 12, 7, and 6, and then light up all the blue lights with the slider (iirc i prefer to go up, all the way right, down, left, right, down, ending in the bottom right corner).

-The Elevator Falling: This counts. It's unavoidable, & as of right now we don't know if/how Phoenix survives. I'm saying it counts bc it seems premeditated. Zor has chess themes, they would have thought far enough in advance to go "hey, this is the perfect storm to get a falling elevator, do these things". They also issue you a challenge to survive, so.

On a general analysis, most of the weaknesses seem to be "most people don't have telekinesis" based, which makes sense I suppose.

However, in the latter half of IEYTD 2, most of the traps seem weirdly easy to circumvent, which is. hm.

Anyways, I think this is probably about good for my needs, if i missed anything feel free to point it out bc I probably did

[merakiui]

Mera!!! I just wanted to let u know that I love reading ur works that I find myself re-reading them so often! I especially love ur chills and thrills stories so much suspense ugh it's so good.

Tbh I stopped playing genshin like wayyy back last year, and while yes the fandom is undoubtly toxic (so very toxic, esp on Twitter and Tiktok yikes. It's the fact that a few of the voice actors don't even want to interact or associate w the game bc of how bad the fandom is), I can't even lie that a lot of the fanarts and fics r acc rly good that it keeps my interest hanging on a string. But given that it's one of the biggest games w a huge following it's kinda expected that a lot of negativity would come out of it, but it's also the reason why I stopped playing the game and interacting w the fandom that much.

I was acc part of the twst fandom around the time it first came out and it was so nice. Sure the english-speaking community was small at the time but it was so nice and not a lot of drama came out of it, plus the art work was so good, ah good times -- tho i am rly happy that more ppl r getting into it bc it's such a gorgeous game and it deserves the recognition.

Omg rereading?! I'm so honored my work is worthy of more than one read! Thank you so much!!! And I'm glad you're enjoying the Chills & Thrills stories! They have been very fun to write!

I can understand your reasons for no longer playing. I've seen lots of players feeling the Genshin burn-out, which is normal considering it can get tiring/boring to repeat similar things all the time. I can't speak much about what goes on in Tiktok or Twitter because I don't use those apps, but discourse and other toxicity can be exhausting for those who hear it so often. It's good to distance yourself from that stuff, and if quitting/taking a break is what's needed do it. Your mental health comes first. :D

I really enjoyed looking at the fanart and reading the fics that came out when twst was first released! Back then I was just a lurker who silently appreciated every work of art, but now it's nice to be able to play with an official English translation (even if that translation is strange at times). It's great that so many people are excited and want to play it! It really is a pretty game that deserves all of the recognition it's getting. <3